And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM sent me unto you
Exodus 3:14
I turned 25 last week.
I've never been one of those people who makes a big deal out of their birthday. Sure, being born was a pretty big deal, but I've never really been big on the whole idea it requires any big public declaration or celebration or party.
That said, turning 25 seemed like a milestone of sorts and last year, on my 24th, I figured I should do something to mark it.
What I came up with was simple: I made a list of 24 things I wanted to do before my 25th birthday. The list was mix of big and small goals, everything from paying back debt, to reading more, to painting the desk in the living room. I didn't let the list rule my life, but I did check in with it once in a while to see how I was doing. I didn't accomplish everything on the list by the time my birthday rolled around, but I was able to cross of a few things, which was pretty satisfying for a type-A person who likes lists and plans and goals.
Even though I didn't get through all the items on my 24 while 24 list, the project was fun and I was ready to start a new list for 25. I figured I could look at the remaining items from last year, determine which ones I still wanted to tackle and then fill in the blanks with some new things. I work well when I have plans and goals and there are still a lot of things I would like to do in the coming weeks, months and years. I thought making a list of 25 things would be easy.
But the more I reflected and thought about it, the more I realized there's really only one thing I want and feel particularly compelled to do this year.
And that's to really commit to letting God be God.
set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain and I can't control
I want more of you, God.
Letting God be God means accepting and understand he is always going to be 100 per cent committed to being who he is, as he sees fit. And he's going to be BOLD and entirely unashamed about it because he has no reason not to. He's not trying to impress anyone because he doesn't need to. He's entirely self-sustaining...but he chooses us and pursues us. He chooses and pursues ME. Like Moses, I know there isn't a single thing I can give God or do for him that he needs.
And, just like God told Moses, he knows that and it's OK.
And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt? And he said, Certainly I will be with thee; and this shall be a token unto thee, that I have sent thee: When thou has brought forth the people out of Egypt, ye shall serve God upon this mountain.
Exodus 3:11-12
It seems like such a simple, basic thing - as if it should be instinctive, a thing you just...do upon becoming a Christian. Maybe that's the story for some people, but I know my personal walk with Christ has always been way more complicated than that.
I like feeling as if I'm in control - of my daily routine and my career, of my friendships and relationships with others, and of my physical being, mind, body and spirit. The trouble is at best, this mindset creates a level of manic productivity while at worst, it's a cause of anxiety and worry, stress and a sense of hopelessness - extremes on both sides that only take away from who Christ is and the relationship he wants to have with me.
So I'm letting it go.
God is who God is and God will be who God will be. He will do what he will do and I can't wait to see what that will be this year.
and all the while you're shouting "my love, you're worth it all"
