more

there's gotta be more than wanting more...

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

 John 10:10 

"We want our lives to mean something. We don't want to just exist."

When I graduated from high school in 2007, I thought I had it all figured out.

I knew what I wanted to do - I wanted to be a reporter - and I knew the steps I'd have to take to get there. In the fall, I packed my things into my grandfather's truck and made the trip to New Brunswick to study journalism. Over the next four years, I threw myself into my major, balancing a full course load with part-time work at a grocery store and volunteering (and later, running) the campus newspaper. I was interesting and challenging and satisfying in so many different ways. I loved it.

I started working at a newspaper about two weeks before I graduated. The first few weeks were an adjustment, but in all honesty, I could not have had a better experience interning. The work was interesting and thanks to mentorship from a really great group of co-workers/bosses, I finished those four months a better reporter than I was when I started. I signed another contract as soon as my four month term ended. Sixteen months later, that contract job morphed into a full-time gig.

I've been there ever since.

There are still so many things I love about the job. My co-workers. My bosses. The thrill of breaking news. The endless opportunities to learn. Helping others tell their stories. People rag on the media all the time, but I really do believe storytelling is important and quality journalism has the power to make a huge difference in the world.

It's important I establish that before continuing. I want it to be clear what comes next is about me, not my workplace or the profession as a whole.

Here is the thing - I have been in somewhat of a rut lately. This is not a secret - I think most people who know me well are aware that I've been praying over the question "What's next?" And, considering I've been traveling one path for the better part 10 years, that hasn't been an easy thing to wrestle with.

And, to be honest, despite wrestling with it, I still don't have it figured out. I have a pretty solid idea of what I like, of what gifts and talents I possess, and how I might be able to combine the two, but I'm not sure what sort of "next" that is going to translate into or when "next" will move from concept to reality.

One thing I do know: being honest about it, with myself and with others, has helped a great deal. That's why I'm writing about it here. I wasn't going to and even considered deleting this a few times over the course of writing it, worried people will read too much into it or take it as something other than what it is: an attempt to work through some of the things that have been on my heart and mind lately.

We started a new sermon series at my church last week, with the big focus being on the whole idea that God always has more for it. If that's true, then it's also true that when we fall into ruts of being disgruntled or apathetic, that's more on us than it is on God. That thought has resonated so much with me this week and it's been amazing to see the difference rejecting the idea of "good enough and it could be worse" in favour of being willing to believe and pray for God's best has made.

It's not always easy, but it's certainly freeing. I'll take that any day.

with just a word, set the dark to flight

sing to the world: "let there be light!"

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

onward!

O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.

Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous work.

Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.

Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore.

Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgements of his mouth.

Psalm 105:1-5 

I turned 26 earlier this week.

Growing up, my birthday usually coincided with the first day of school; in my adult life, labour day weekend tends to eclipse the day. Which is totally alright by me - at work, I'm an extrovert by necessity, but apart from that setting, I'm definitely an introvert. Selectively social, and way more interested in a low-key, low-stress evening at home than some kind of big celebration. Don't get me wrong - I love people, but I find big social events stressful and draining. I know it doesn't make sense, especially considering what I do for a living.

I digress. Back to the point.

Twenty-five was a pretty great year for me. Jeff and I got engaged in the winter and adopted a second cat in the spring. I went to a whole pile of weddings this summer, including the long awaited nuptials of two of my very best friends from high school. I went to Ontario to hang out with my best friend for a week. I got really involved in my church, participating in small groups and volunteer in kids ministry (and realized just how much I missed the sense of community that comes from belonging to a church). I made new friends. I read some books (not as many as I would have liked) and binge-watched some Netflix (more than I should have). I wrote and rewrote and then scraped entire projects and stopped in favour of waiting instead of trying to rush the words out. I drank a lot of tea. I listened to a lot of worship music. I spent a lot of time at Starbucks.

That's not to say everything was perfect this year - there were definitely some stressful, hard times. But looking at the overall picture, I can truly say it was a pretty good year. God is good and I feel so grateful for the ways He's blessed my life over the last 12 months.

& the way He continues to pour out blessings. Twenty-six is shaping up to be a pretty incredible year, too. After procrastinating for the better part of nine months, wedding planning is underway. Jeff is going into his last year of his undergraduate degree and I just marked my third year full-time at the paper. I'm about $1,200 away from paying off my trip to Kenya in July, which I am BEYOND excited about, and after much prayer, I'm finally getting some clarity related to some elements of my life, while seeing redemption at work in others. Twenty-six is shaping up to be a year of very big things - transformational things. I keep thinking I should be nervous about it, but I'm too excited to be nervous.

The point of all of this is two-fold: first, I anticipate I'll be writing here more regularly throughout the year, especially in relation to the whole going to Kenya/getting married business. I don't think I'll ever be someone who can write a blog post every day - I'm just not that interesting - but I can do better than once a month.

The second element is a request: if you're reading this, could you please take a moment every once in a while this year to pray for me? Specifically, for my upcoming marriage (Oct. 15, 2016), my trip to Kenya, and just generally for wisdom to discern God's direction for my life. Faith might move mountains, but prayer moves God - I can't recall the origins of the quote, but I believe it with all my heart.