Where did the summer go?! (a recap)

Last weekend, I had my first salted caramel mocha of the season.

It was everything I wanted it to be. Like, the baristas at my favourite Starbucks knocked it out of the park- light whip cream, lots of caramel, and the perfect ratio of salt (aka the best part). Delicious. Everyone here is all about the pumpkin spice but, while I agree it is delicious, I just don't think it holds a candle to the salted caramel mocha.

Probably an unpopular opinion, but oh well. Long live the salted caramel mocha!

Also...hey. It's been almost two months since I wrote something here. Part of me wants to say "oops" or "my bad" but let's be honest: that's not really surprising. In fact, I would suggest it is fairly typical. My name is Tara and you can go ahead and call me the very worst blogger. It's OK.

At least this time, I feel like I have a reason for this period of radio silence: this summer was, in a word, BANANAS. 

Where did the summer go?! 

A recap of the last two-ish months 

1.  We moved.

One of the last shots taken at our old apartment.

This empty room was our bedroom for about four year. 

This is the one thing I credit for the chaos this summer.

Backstory: we have been thinking about moving for a while. I loved our old apartment - it was my first apartment, so lots of fond memories, etc. - but it was a bit pricey for a one bedroom. Add in a few of the other less than ideal elements (the carpet, the lack of an elevator and the 230197390 stairs, and the fact that it was basically an oven in the summer) and the fact that we simply...wanted more space and the move was inevitable.

So when a friend mentioned she was looking for a tenant in her house, we jumped on it. 

After six years living in the same place, I forgot how much moving...well, sucks. Between preparing the new place, packing, actually moving, cleaning the old place...it was both an expensive and exhausting process. This is basically what we did for all of July. I wish that was an exaggeration.

That said, I have to give credit where credit is due. We would not have been able to do this move without help from some great friends. Big thanks to Tasha and Joanne (our painting crew) and Davith and Wade (the moving crew) - you guys were such an incredible help. Seriously. You're the best.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't take a minute to mention my wonderful husband, who essentially did the lion's share of the moving when I was away on vacation. Not an enjoyable task, but a necessary one and I appreciate him for it. 

Coming into September, I would say the new place is about 90 per cent set up. Still some work to do in some areas, but it is coming along.

2.  I went on vacation 

(left to right) the fall, the cup

& two of the best people you'll ever meet.

As I do (almost) every summer, I made the trek to Ontario to visit my best friend for a few days. As mentioned, this happened smack dab in the middle of our move. Some years, we plan my trip around a concert, but other years, we just...hang out. The downside of living two provinces away from your best friend is that you don't really get to do typical best friend things (like catch a movie or grab a coffee) on the regular.  So this year, we did that and it was good.

I was also able to squeeze in a short visit with another sweet, long distance friend. At the end of the week, I took the train from Toronto to Ottawa for a couple days. A short trip, but totally worth it. 

3. We went on vacation 

I used my second week of vacation in August and Jeff and I went to one of our favourite places: Newfoundland! We went to Corner Brook last October for our honeymoon and loved it so much we knew we wanted to go back soon. We spent most of our time during our honeymoon at Gros Morne National Park but, due to the time of year, there were some things we were unable to do. I didn't think we would go back so soon but when we found out about the whole free park pass thing for 2017...well, it was just too good an opportunity to pass up!

Although there were a few hiccups during our trip - most notably, we missed our flight there due to a combination of human error and technical glitches and had to rebook - I am happy to report western Newfoundland is just as wonderful in August as it is in October. It was an awesome trip.

4. We were away almost every weekend 

And it was mostly for birthdays and family things. Not a terrible way to spend the weekend, but it did mean we were on the go a lot. 

5. I took the entire summer off ministry 

I thought this would be more difficult than it was but if I'm being honest, it was necessary. 

Last year, I volunteered with both Sunday morning kids ministry and midweek youth group. I love serving in these areas - I think investing in children/youth is important and I have built many really great relationships with some of the kids who take part in the programming at our church.  I want to see these programs succeed and am willing to give my time, talents and energies to make that happen. Last year, that meant serving every Sunday morning and every Wednesday.

It was fine at first. But by the time June rolled around, I was just...well, burnt out. 

I didn't see that at first. When our pastor mentioned giving the regular volunteers the summer off, I was excited for the break, but I didn't know how needed it really was. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup...and I was feeling pretty empty.

I still don't feel totally rested (likely due to items 1-4) but the cup is a lot fuller coming into the fall. It also helps that I made some decisions about ministry during the break - specifically in relation to the amount of time I am able to give. Sometimes I feel guilty about taking a step back but overall, I feel at peace, which tells me this is what God is calling me to right now. I need to learn how to rest - and how to trust that things won't fall apart without me there all the time. 

So there you have it - summer 2017 in a nutshell. It was crazy and fun and stressful and wonderful all at the same time. I'm sad to see it go, but excited to see what God has in store for the tail end of 2017.

How closing my eyes helped me see my need for rest

Tomorrow is Friday. I cannot wait to go to work.

Those...are not usually sentences that go together, but when you've had the kind of week I've had, it makes perfect sense.

It started on Sunday morning.

OK, actually, no. If we want to get super technical about it, it started in May 2011, during the first week of my internship at the paper.

I was on the weekend shift for the first time, a gig that would become familiar in the years to follow. I was paired with Steve, on the veteran reporters, who was there to show me the ropes and make sure I knew what I needed to know to get through a day in the newsroom as the solo reporter. 

Our Saturday was fairly busy with events and there was even breaking news when a well-known local musician passed away. I spent the day doing interviews and even though I didn't have to - this was back when our website was only updated after the paper was published - I sat down before the end of my shift and transcribed all my interview tape.

Little did I know at the time how important it would be that I did that. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Later that night, my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I went out with some friends. We went out to a bar for some live music. I wasn't drinking - I had to work the next day - but we had a good time. Everything was going great - until it was time to leave.

It's hard to explain how this happened, especially if you have never been to this particular bar, but basically: I got elbowed in the face and it essentially destroyed my cornea.  It was exactly as painful as it sounds.

We went back to Jeff's place and I tried to sleep it off but I just was not getting anywhere with it. Eventually, we ended up in the emergency room, where the doctor froze it (thank HEAVENS) and then put this green dye in to see where the injury was. I obviously could not see it but I guess it was pretty impressive because he invited other doctors in to see it, too. It was that bad. 

So when my co-worker came to pick me up that Sunday morning, I met him at the door wearing an eye patch, struggling to use my other eye as I explained I could not go in. I gave him my password for the computer, told him where my notes were and, bless him, he went and finished the job I was supposed to do. It was all kinds of embarrassing. 

But what I didn't know then is that the injury had also resulted in permanent damage. That, although I felt better after a week of patches and drops and ointment and rest, those kind of injuries never really heal completely, resulting in a condition called recurrent corneal erosion syndrome. As the name suggests, the biggest issue with RCES is painful flare ups. 

It started with little ones. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with that stabbing pain in my eye. It's a kind of pain I can't really explain because words like 'brutal' and 'intense' don't really do it justice. Thankfully, with these little flare ups, simply letting my eyes tear up a bit and keeping them shut tight until I can drift off to sleep is often enough to fix the issue. I wake up in the morning and everything is fine.

But occasionally, it does not work like that. So far, since the initial injury, it has happened twice. This past Sunday was one of those times. 

Those incidents require more intervention. In this case, it was a trip to the ER at 5:30 a.m., where there was not much that could be done outside putting in some drops to relieve the pain. I knew I would need to see the ophthalmologist, but was surprised to find out there was not one on-call at the hospital in my city. The options were to drive about an hour outside the city to see one that day or wait until the next morning and go see the one who has dealt with my file before. 

We went with the second option. My husband drove me home and I spent the day in bed, with my eyes shut, dealing with random spurts of pain at random increments of time. 

I wanted to sleep, but every time I would get close, another little jolt of pain would wake me up (go figure). I know I managed to get in some rest, but for the most part, I was just laying in bed.

After clearing boredom, I transitioned to annoyed. There were SO many things I was supposed to do that Sunday - teach Sunday school one last time before the summer break, attend the goodbye reception for two dear friends (and their precious baby girl) who are transitioning to a new season, connect with those who are set to help us paint out new place over the long weekend, and prepared food for the week ahead. Sunday's are busy in our household and being out of commission due to such a small thing (the eye) was frustrating to me.

I was stewing in that feeling when something popped into my mind.

You need to stop, to slow down. You are a human being, not a human doing. You don't see that you need rest, so maybe taking your ability to see all the things you think you need to be doing will help you focus on what is actually important.

I'm going to be real here: I know there are a lot of people who hear things from God on the regular, but that isn't me. While I have felt his presence and I have seen prayer answered - all that good stuff - I can think of maybe two or three other times when I have heard him speak something specific to the situation I found myself in. In that moment, laying on my bed with my eyes shut, unable to do much of anything, I know without a doubt that was the word God spoke to me. 

And I knew immediately that I had something to repent for - my unwillingness to accept rest. 

So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. 

Hebrews 4:9-11

It didn't take long to identify the problems my unwillingness to rest was creating in my life. Recently, I was telling my husband I was feeling burnt out - not in one area, but generally. Burnt out on serving. Burnt out on working. Burnt out on trying to sort out our finances. Burnt out on maintaining the status quo, let alone moving into anything more. And, unfortunately, that burnt out feeling was manifesting in some less than ideal ways in other areas of my life, like my relationships with others. 

But that, while significant, is a surface level reflection of the real issue - the problem my unwillingness to slow down and rest has had on my relationship with God. When I am going all the time, I am not spending time in the word. I am not spending time in prayer. And you know how it goes - you can't pour into others if you aren't being filled.

Even when I recognized this, I was still resistant to it. I tried to work from home on Wednesday, only to be told by my boss to knock it off and focus on getting better. Although the pain in the eye is gone, the double vision brought on by the contact bandaid persists, meaning for the last couple days it has been an either or kind of thing - either I am using a screen or I am in light, not both. The first few days were boring. Today, though - my last day before the bandaid comes off and I can return to work - I decided to embrace it.

I slept in. I washed my hair and I worked a little on our budget and I made mac and cheese and I cleaned the kitchen. I watched a little TV and I played a little Harvest Moon. I went out to Starbucks where I booked a hotel for a weekend trip and I wrote this blog post.  Tonight, I'll write in my prayer journal and probably read, as long as my eye isn't bothering me too much. I'll put in my drops and I'll go to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up and work for a couple hours before I go to my appointment.

I accomplished a lot but I'm not ending the day feeling exhausted and done. I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. It is a nice change.

What I'm trying to say here is this: rest isn't just good, it's necessary. It's not easy to find time to do it in this crazy life, but finding time voluntarily sure beats being forced. Don't be like me, friends. 

Don't blame it on the avocado

I bought an avocado today.

For the third week in a row, quinoa chickpea salad is on the menu and while it's delicious on its own, I like it even better with the addition of an egg and a bit of hot sauce. Avocado, I figure, will only enhance the taste of the dish further.

So I added it to the shopping list. It cost $1.29 and I didn't hesitate for a second to put it in the cart and carry on with the rest of the shopping.

Tim Gurner probably wouldn't have liked that decision. Actually, Tim Gurner probably wouldn't like most of the decisions I make when it comes to money.

In case you missed it, Mr. Gurner, an Australian millionaire and property mogul, went viral recently with his suggestion that spending money on things like avocados and coffee may be among the reasons why some young people can't afford to buy a house.

Although there have been some who have suggested Mr. Gurner may have a point, a lot of the feedback was...well, exactly what you would expect from the Internet.

I shared that tweet because it made laugh when I read it. It still does - but it also ticks me off, particularly when I consider he's not the only one who thinks this way.

I don't want to turn this into a whiney post about how misunderstood the millennial generation is but I do think it's important to consider a few points Mr. Gurner's comments fail to reflect - and as a 27-year-old who has a well-paying job, significant savings (short term and retirement) and STILL is not in a position to buy a house, I feel I am qualified to raise those points. 

1.  Started from the bottom...and we're still here

As of 2015, borrowers owed $19 billion to the Canada Student Loans Program. And as this report from Global notes, the number of young Canadians declaring bankruptcy is on the rise. 

Gone are the days when you could make enough money during the summer to cover your tuition at university for the year. When once your started your adult life at the bottom financially, I'd suggest many find themselves starting below that today. 

That's challenging enough on its own, without adding in the whole struggle of finding a job that will pay you enough to meet all your financial obligations.  The whole "need experience to get the job, need the job to get experience" thing is a very real phenomenon that needs to be addressed. 

Every generation faces economic challenges but that does not mean it's OK to discount the existing situation with massive levels of student debt as business as usual. It's not. 

2. It's not irresponsible to want to enjoy your life

I really dislike the idea that there is something wrong with spending the money you make through work on things that aren't "necessities." 

Yes, it is important to be fiscally responsible. You should pay your bills on time and you should save for the future. 

But I don't feel bad about spending $6 on a drink at Starbucks or dropping cash to travel to Ontario to see a concert with my best friend. I don't feel bad about these things because I know I was made to do more than pay bills and die. 

We all are. 

3. Owning a house isn't everyone's dream 

Suggesting the reason millennials aren't into the property buying game has something to do with the cost associated with it discounts the idea that there are some who aren't buying property because they simply don't want to.  And that's OK. 

There isn't anything wrong with renting.  Some would argue it's throwing your money away, but that depends on what you value. Not being able to paint your bedroom walls or upgrade the bathroom may not matter as much as the flexibility of a one-year lease with minimal maintenance responsibilities. 

I don't want to rent forever. I want to own a house with room for kids and a yard and all that good stuff.

But I'm OK with waiting for it.  With planning for it and saving for it. We are good at these things - and the avocado in our fridge won't be a huge set back in one day achieving our goal.

#nofilter : the warrior in the field (no.1)

At the end of 2016, I made one of those 101 things to do in 1,001 days lists. I don't usually make goal lists this long - I like to keep them short, both in terms of items and timeline - but this felt right so I went with it.

Some of the items on this list are very specific, like finish (er...start) my basic emergency management course and pay off outstanding credit cards, while others are much more general.

Like number 9, which is to learn how to take better photos with my new camera.

A little backstory: in high school, I was that person in my group of friends who was always taking photos. I always had a camera with me - at school, at dances, at random adventures. This came in handy during my Grade 11 year - most of my best friends graduated and, as a gift, I put together scrapbooks for them filled with photos of our high school adventures.

These photos were not amazing by any stretch of the imagination - shot on cheap cameras by a shooter with very little skill - and even though I cringe looking back at some of them now (like the ones where I have black hair. I'm not sure why 16-year-old me thought that was a good look...) I'm really happy I have them.

My obsession with documenting everything waned after high school. I still took a lot of pictures while on vacation or at concerts, but for the most part, the only shooting I did was for my journalism classes (and even that was limited). By the time I started working at the paper, the camera I bought in 2009 reached the end of its useful life, and I transitioned to using my phone as my primary camera until last summer.

A couple things changed in the lead up to purchasing my first DSLR. First, the paper I worked for - in a move that still baffles to me to this day -  laid off all the photographers and shifted that work to reporters. We were all given smartphones and told that would be sufficient for the photo needs at the paper. Needless to say it did not take long to realize that was not true, so a few of us started to learn how to use the gear that had essentially been left to collect dust in the photo room.

This was my introduction to DSLR. At first, I used two lens and shot exclusively in automatic. By the end of my time at the paper, I started to experiment more with manual settings and while I think my photos improved over time, I was (and am) so keenly aware of the fact that I am not nearly as skilled as my many photographer friends.

The second thing that happened was my trip to Kenya. This trip was, in so many ways, a dream come true for me and after praying and saving and fundraising for more than a year, it was important to me to have a way to document the trip.

So, after months of research, we went to Costco and I bought my first DSLR.

(I also bought this lens. I got an incredible deal on it at BestBuy - I love it SO much.)

Almost a year later, I still love this camera - and I am still learning how to use it. I don't have as many opportunities to practice at work as I used to, so including it on the list felt like an appropriate way to encourage practice while also finding a balance between experiencing life as it happens instead of through a viewfinder.

All that preamble to say, as I learn, I wanted to share some of my favourite shots in a way that allows for a little more reflection that a Facebook album.

It feels appropriate to start with a shot from my first experience shooting in manual.

This is Philip, our Maasai guide. This was taken in the field by the school on the day we did our warrior training. 

I almost deleted this shot because it looked so dark in the viewfinder. I remember struggling to take photos I was happy with this day - it was really sunny outside and the field was open, meaning there wasn't much in terms of shade. Kind of like shooting into a window - I didn't do TV beyond my second year but I took enough to know that is a no-no.  

I kept this photo because I liked the composition. It's not quite rule-of-thirds compliant, but I like the sky and the clouds and the way the breeze is lifting the left corner of the shuka. Beyond the composition, looking at this picture brings me right back to sitting in that field, listening to Philip explain and demonstrate how to shoot an arrow and throw a conga.  

I hope I get to go back some day.

(Don't mind me here, starting another little blog series of sorts. Am having something of a blog identity crisis, minus the dramatics. Truth be told, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to settle into a niche. So, as a result, you get...a random assortment of topics. I hope you'll still stick around). 

My only tip for remembering your wedding day promises

I thought writing wedding vows would be easy.

That makes sense, right? I am a writer by trade. I have spent thousands of hours putting pen to paper, writing everything from research papers and essays, to news articles, to fiction. Outside occasional writers block, I don't find writing to be a struggle. Yes, the process can be ugly sometimes, and yes, sometimes I get frustrated trying to find the right words, but it's always been the thing I come back to over and over again and there are few things I find more satisfying than telling a great story.

But sitting in the living room with a blank Google Doc staring back at me, I didn't know where to begin.

It wasn't so much not knowing what to say, though.

I look relaxed. Trust me, I was not. 

Photo: James West Photography

I had mixed feelings about writing personal vows at first. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an extrovert. I would not say I am shy but I don't enjoy being the centre of attention - which is an inevitable thing on your wedding day, it turns out.

Don't get me wrong - I was excited to marry Jeff and I was excited to celebrate with our friends and family. We had a beautiful day and I could not be happier with how everything went. But those who know me well know it was never about the wedding for me. It was - and remains - always about the marriage.

The combination of those two things made the prospect of penning vows overwhelming to me at first. I wasn't sure which part made me feel more anxious: the idea of standing in front of a big group of people and sharing aloud some very personal thoughts, or coming up with something to say that accurately reflected my thoughts on marriage.

So I did what I always do when tackling a difficult writing project. I wrote two sentences, paused to re-read them, then deleted them and started again.

And again. And again.

I was probably making a stupid face at him at this point.

Photo: James West Photography

Clearly, it was a super productive and not-at-all frustrating time.

Truth be told, I would probably still be writing my vows eight months later had it not been for our pre-marital counselling sessions. Along with our sit-down sessions with the pastor, Jeff and I read Timothy Keller's The Meaning of Marriage in the lead up to our wedding. Keller's passage on vows was so significant both Jeff and I incorporated it into our vows.

Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love, but a mutually binding promise of future love. A wedding should not be primarily a celebration of how loving you feel now - that can be safely assumed. Rather, in a wedding you stand up before God, your family, and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful, and true to the other person in the future, regardless of undulating internal feelings or external circumstances.

Thinking about vows from that perspective changed my entire approach to writing. It helped me think beyond the day and, as a result, draw my focus back to determining what realistic promises I could make that day.

In the end, I came up with this: to keep choosing to love Jeff - when I want to, when it's hard and especially when I don't want to and to always commit to our marriage in a deliberate and intentional way.

I'm not naive enough to think either of those promises will always be easy to keep - and that's why it was important to me to find a way to keep those promises in fresh in my mind.

That brings me to my only tip for remembering your wedding day promises:

Keep them in a place where you can review them regularly. 

It's not an entirely original tip. The summer before we got married, I went to a LOT of weddings. At one of these weddings, the pastor suggested doing this for when you need a reminder of why you're doing the marriage thing to begin with.

Not if you need a reminder. When. Love might not be inevitable, but times of conflict in marriage? You can count on that.

The means of display will look different for everyone. In our case, after returning from our honeymoon, we purchased two plain black photo frames, stuck those two folded sheets of paper inside and nailed them to the wall above our bedside tables. Much like my wedding band, it is a reminder of the promises we made to one another at the front of that little wooden chapel in Upper Gagetown that October afternoon.

I am not a perfect wife and Jeff is not a perfect husband. What we are is committed to our marriage - to being loving, being faithful and being true to one another, for better or for worse.

Photo: James West Photography 

Why I still use tithing envelopes

Like a true Millennial, I love doing digital business.

Online banking? I'm into it.

Online shopping? Awesome.

Online pizza ordering? Is there any other way?

I love the simplicity - and let's face it: paying your phone bill online is far more convenient than calling it in or taking it to the bank.

If there is an option to complete a task online or in some other digital fashion, I'm into it.

For the most part. There is one noteworthy exception.

Despite several electronic giving options at my church - text, online and debit - I still seal cash into an envelope each week to put in the plate.

Last year was my first full year of regular tithing.

As an active volunteer in children's ministry - both on Sunday and during midweek programming - I know all about the great work that happens at my church. I believe in what we're doing in our community.  Yet, for months I found myself completely unprepared - and increasingly convicted - every time the plate was passed around Sunday morning.

I finally requested a box of envelopes. I've been using them ever since.

Why envelopes over the other, more convenient options, though? For me, it comes down to intention.

Using an envelope means every week, I have to go to the bank. At the bank, I have to make a decision about how much cash I will withdraw. Once that cash is withdrawn, I have to decide how much of that cash I will put in the envelope. Then, I have to take that envelope, put it in my purse, and bring it with me on Sunday morning to put in the plate.

In other words, using a tithing envelope requires me to be intentional about giving. From deciding to give to physically going to gather the material to do so, each step requires me to take action.

Why does this matter?

Because being an intentional giver is important to me, especially when it comes to money. It's important to me because that attitude has not always been one that comes easily, particularly during times when money was tight.

It was a source of serious anxiety and while I still fret occasionally, my mindset on money has changed - and I think a great deal of that shift comes from seeking God's wisdom and making intentional decisions based on that wisdom to steward our money well.

I am still not perfect when it comes to not worrying about finances, but I am working on it. I am learning to trust God more and be confident he will supply us with everything we need to meet our needs. Choosing to trust takes work, but the free feeling that comes from living with an open hand is worth it.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothes you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 

Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-34 

What I'm Loving Lately (No. 1)

I'm calling this No. 1 optimistically - when it comes to blogging, I always start out with great intentions of writing on the regular, only to lose steam after a couple weeks.

For now, though, I'm feeling it. So with that in mind, I bring you what I hope will be the first in a semi-regular series.

1. Starbucks Iced Caramel Macchiato

Or iced coffee beverages in general. I have always been a tea person, but I've always wanted to be a coffee person. I'm still not big on hot coffee, but over ice? The best. The caramel macchiato with coconut milk is my favourite by far these days.

2. Foxbrook Lipstick

One word: obsessed. My friend Cat is the girlboss behind Foxbrook Lipstick and I can't say enough good things about these lipsticks. The formula is amazing (long-wearing and never drying) and the colours are beautiful. My favourite is Luna - I get SO many compliments when I wear this lipstick, it's unreal.

I also own Allie, Sammy Jo, Jamie-Leigh and Dee (holiday collection). Next on the list: Ana and Reckless.

3. The Daily Grace Co. Journaling Bible 

I have one similar to this one and I love it so much. The extra space is great for making notes and doodles and after years of being hardcore KJV only, I am really enjoying the switch to ESV. I have also been using the YouVersion app on my phone frequently, which lets you explore other translations. Other favourites lately include the NLT and the Message.

4. Reitman's R Jeans 

I have two pairs of these (black and dark denim) and I wear them all. the. time. They are so soft and comfortable - basically the opposite of every pair of jeans I have ever owned.

5. Crockpot lasagna 

I didn't expect this to work - and if it did, I didn't expect it to be good. Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. This doesn't improve on the prep or cook time for a lasagna but there's just something about it that makes it feel really effortless. I've made crockpot lasagna at least four times since I found the initial recipe.

6.  BodyJam 65

We revisited Afro Circus Jam during the time between the last release and the new release. I totally forgot how awesome this release is.

7. elf highlighter

Picked this up because I wanted to try a highlighter but I didn't want to spend too much money in the event I couldn't pull it off. I bought it in moonlight pearl (which is not listed on the website, for some reason) and have been skipping the contour to keep the look softer. Still learning the best way to apply it, but I am liking the results so far.

8. Pop music from the early 2000s

S Club 7, the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, DREAM...you name it, it's been my office soundtrack.  Is it musical brilliance? Not really. Is it fun? You know it.

9.  Lunchtime walks

Now that most of the snow has melted, it's finally nice enough to get out over lunch. A nice break plus a little bit of fresh air = just what I need to make it through the afternoon.

10.  Blogging

Three posts in a week? What is the world?  I'd like to say this is a step toward consistency but time will tell.

3 reasons I picked the Columbus Blue Jackets as my NHL team

"Well, that's a strange choice."

I was at the mall, running errands, when I ran into my friend, Bill. He noticed immediately - peaking out underneath my black and white flannel, a navy blue t-shirt making my allegiances clear.

Columbus Blue Jackets.

"I don't think there are a lot of Blue Jackets fans in New Brunswick."


I have heard some variation of this many times over the last six-ish months. Some people ask if I have other friends who are fans (I don't) while others ask if it hurt jumping on the bandwagon (so original). Columbus is neither a conventional or popular pick for a new hockey fan, as I learned. Knowing that has only made me like them even more.

But that's not the only thing I like about this team. It's not even the main thing.

1. CBJ 10, MTL 0

It honestly started as a joke.

My husband is a Montreal fan. Not a hardcore fan, but he knows some of their roster and enjoys watching them play. He also watched some hockey growing up so he knows the rules of the game and some things to watch for, as well as some random hockey trivia.

When I said I wanted to get into hockey this year, he was totally on board. He suggested we start with a Montreal game. Why not?

So on November 4, 2016, we turned on the game and settled in on the couch.

By the time Columbus scored their ninth unanswered goal, even Jeff wanted to see them score a 10th.

I later learned that this was significant, considering the history of the Blue Jackets. As my best friend put it, Columbus has historically been a team that couldn't buy a goal, let alone 10 against one of the top teams in the Atlantic.

I was mostly amused by it all. It was the first regulation loss for the Habs in the season, and the worst defeat since 1995. My husband (along with just about every Habs fan I know) was shocked.

I decided that night Columbus was my team.

I didn't really start watching right away - a combination of being busy and not knowing how to stream out of region games. But I started to keep an eye on their progress through the season from that point on, reading game recaps online and catching the highlights on SportsNet at the gym.

About 14 games into the 16-game streak, I started streaming games. The rest is history.

2. Sergei. Bobrovsky.

There has been a lot of commentary focused on the role Bobrovsky played during the regular season and it's with good reason: the man has been a beast between the pipes. But my favourite thing about him is his attitude - he's almost always smiling and comes across as laid back. I've lost track of how many times I have heard him say "it is what it is" in post-game interviews. If not achieving the desired outcome phases him, you'd never know it.

It's not just Bob, though - there are a lot of good things happening with the Columbus roster right now. The team sent three players to the All Star game - Bob, Seth Jones and Cam Atkinson - and while Atkinson was a late addition, it was well-deserved. Zach Werenski has been unreal - Tortorella called his performance in Game 1 inspiring, and that's not an exaggeration - and Nick Foligno has done an incredible job leading the team as captain. Savard, Jenner, Bjorkstrand...I could go on and on.  The team is a good mix of veterans and youth and, as a new hockey fan, I've really enjoyed watching them play.

Also - this:

#MoreHugs

3. The Underdog Factor

This was not a team that anyone expected to be where they are today. This is not a team that's known for doing much of anything except, well, poorly. They have some super talented players, but not really any superstars and a polarizing coach.

And yet, after finishing last in the eastern conference last season, they're in the playoffs for the third time in franchise history. Whatever the outcome, I think it's fair to say they've exceeded expectations. And I'm into that.

Sharing this the morning of Game 4 - a do-or-die for the team after dropping 3-0 in the series - I'm not sure what to expect. I'm not optimistic about the team advancing beyond round one, but I'm hoping they can find a way to win this one.

What happens next year? I hope they're able to build on their success this year although realistically, I know there is a chance that won't happen.

Whatever the case, though, I'm in. #WeAreThe5thLine

5 things giving up social media for Lent taught me

I was 26 days into Lent when I had to use Facebook for the first time.

I was putting together a report at work when I realized there really wasn't any way around it. The information I needed simply wasn't available on a website - but multiple searches confirmed it was available on Facebook.

I tried a different search. Then another. Then, with a sigh, I did what I knew had to be done.

Even though I decided before Ash Wednesday that it would be OK to use Facebook or Twitter for work, if required, it was still tough. I worked quickly, gathered the material I needed, and closed the window.

When our pastor started talking about Lent, I immediately knew I would be giving up social media.

Instructed to think about something we could give up to devote more time to God - to study scripture, to pray, to meditate - social media was the first thing that came to mind. I knew, even at the beginning of Lent, that social media had become something of a vice for me. I justified it - yeah, I just spent the last 20 minutes scrolling 31 weeks deep into the Instagram feed of a person I've never met, but at least I'm not smoking or something.

I never felt convicted about it, though. Then I did.

So it was decided. In the final minutes leading up to Ash Wednesday, I penned a quick post to explain my upcoming absence. Then, I signed off.

And with a few exception (primarily work, and the occasional Sunday) I stayed signed off for 40ish days.

Lent wasn't really a big part of my past church experience. Prior to this year, I cannot recall a single time when I have even attempted to fast from something for...well, any period of time, really. Forty days felt like an impossible task, but I was up for it.

I wasn't sure to what to expect from the experience or even what I wanted to get from it.

Forty-ish days later, here is what I learned.

1.  I spend a ridiculous amount of time on social media

During the first week, I was genuinely shocked by how I automatically looked for the Facebook or Instagram icon every time I picked up my phone. The worst part about this? I wasn't going to these apps because there was something I needed to see - it had just become a reflex. Got a couple minutes to kill waiting the laundry timer to go off or for dinner to finish cooking? I'll pop on Instagram for a few minutes. Raining at lunch? I'll eat at my desk and scroll through Twitter. Taken together, all those little gaps add up fast - no wonder I never felt like I had time to get anything done!

That's not to say I used my time perfectly during Lent - I definitely did not - but without social media, I was able to reclaim some of those lost minutes.

2.  Social media has changed the way I connect with other people

You've probably witnessed it before - you stop at a coffee shop and see the group of friends sitting around a table...and everyone is looking down at their smartphones. I see this all the time and am often very quick to call it out.

You know, as if I don't do the same thing.

I like to think I have gotten better about this over the last few years, but it is not uncommon for my phone to be the third wheel during a hangout session with a friend or a date with my husband.

Disconnecting for social media channels for 40ish days meant I had less reason to be constantly checking my phone. The result? More actual face time with friends and family.

3.  Social media has changed the way I connect with my surroundings

For example, I try to go for a walk every day during my lunch. It's a short jaunt - across the walking bridge and back, a distance that is possible to cover in 30 minutes. That said, the trip is often longer, the result of stopping to take photos of the river or whatever other interesting thing catches my eye.

I hardly used the camera on my phone at all during my fast - I didn't have anywhere to put the photos so it didn't feel like there was much of a point. Instead, I focused more on simply taking my surroundings in.

4.  Disconnecting from social media helped my faith grow

This wasn't totally surprising. As mentioned, I didn't always do a great job of using my time wisely, but one thing I made a point to do during Lent was to spend more time in the Word - reading, reflecting (both through journaling and talking about the readings with my husband) and praying.  Not only did this result in developing a deeper appreciation for the Lent/Easter season, but it has also led to a greater understanding of who God is and how much he loves us.

5.  I didn't miss social media as much as I thought I would

I honestly thought it would be more difficult to be offline for 40 days than it actually was. Not saying it was easy - it wasn't, and sometimes, it was just downright inconvenient. But the deeper into the season I went, the more I found myself enjoying my time offline. Who knew, right? I wasn't expecting that.

There are still a lot of things I like about social media; I still think it's a wonderful outlet for creativity and, as a person with a lot of long-distance friends, I find it is a great way to keep up with friends and connect across long distances.

That said, there are a lot of things I don't like about social media - perhaps the most significant of which is how easy it can be to get sucked into the comparison trap. When you're scrolling through someone's Instagram feed or reading a Facebook post, it can be easy to forget: social media is not real life. You are simply looking at the highlight reel - and sometimes, that can be very different from reality.

How does this change my relationship with social media? I'm not totally sure, to be honest with you. I enjoyed disconnecting for Lent, but I'm also looking forward to catching up on some of my favourite feeds over the next few days  - even if I'll be looking at those posts through a changed lens.

Maybe, for now, that's enough.

2016

A graduation. 

An incredible trip.

A new job.

A wedding. 

A honeymoon

A lot of time and energy devoted to a great ministry.

& a lot of time spent with good friends.

2016. What can I say? A lot of people have been hard on you, but I can't really complain.

That's not to say everything was sunshine and roses.  But for every hard moment, for every hopeless situation, 2016 was the year where I truly started to understand how you find freedom when you learn to let go. 

In my case, that meant facing, coming to terms with, and releasing a lot of anxiety related to my career. Because somewhere along the line, without meaning to or even noticing, my career became a big part of my identity. It wasn't so much the specific job so much as it was what that meant. As unhappy as I was at my previous job, it was secure. It was full-time, I had benefits and vacation and it paid well - especially compared to what was out there when I started looking. 

But, happy or not, the bills needed to be paid. So I stayed. And I started looking.

I polished up my resume and wrote cover letters. I applied to other places and did about half a dozen interviews. I didn't cry tears (often) but I did spend a lot of time crying out to God, looking for answers. I tried to keep everything in perspective - maybe there was something I was supposed to learn and that's why it was taking so long - but most of the time, I was just...sad.

It took almost 10 months from the start of my job search to get an interview for my new job. The call with the offer came almost a month later. I've cycled through a lot of emotions since then - the initial excitement, the relief that came with finally, FINALLY being able to move forward, a little anxiety about starting a new thing - but reflecting on the whole situation now, the overwhelming feeling is one of peace. 

Because, not because of my current circumstances, but because of the truth past circumstances reveal in hindsight. Those 10 months were hard. But when I look back at it now, I can see why things had to go the way they did. It didn't just teach me patience - it also reminded me of something I think I forgot: the best God can do will always be better than the best I can do. And he always, always wants what is best for me. 

So that's my takeaway from 2016. It was a lesson learned the very hard way, but that's the way it goes sometimes. I'm not sure what's in store for 2017, but 14 days in, I'm feeling optimistic. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2