24.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end./ Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you./And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

I don't like making a big thing out of birthdays.

Actually, that's not true.  I love planning gifts and parties and fun things for others. But when it comes to my own birthday? The more low key the better.

I've always been like this. I think it's because when I was growing up, the first day of school fell on my birthday more often than not. That was exciting when I was in elementary school - it made me feel special - but by the time I was in middle school, it didn't seem all that cool anymore.

I don't think I've had a birthday party since I was maybe 12 years old. And that's more than alright with me.

Yesterday I turned 24. I had the day off work and to mark the day, I slept in, read my bible (I've started a new reading plan. I'll likely write about it later. It's basically awesome) cleaned the bathroom and took a nap.

Later in the evening, Jeff and I went out for dinner with Matt and Joanne then we went downtown to visit with some other friends. I got to talk to many of my favourite people (my grandfather, my best friends who don't live in Fredericton, Jeff's parents in Moncton) and because I have Tuesday off, too, I got to sleep in this morning.

It was low-key and quiet, relaxed and, for the most part, commitment free. It was exactly what I needed- especially since there are a lot of things I'd like to do in the year before I hit 25 - which brings me to the point of this post.

Around the second week of August, I started thinking about what sort of things I'd like to accomplish or do in the coming months. As a rule, I try to keep goal lists short - I find when the list gets too long, it's easy to get overwhelmed and give up.

To avoid that, I debated doing the whole 30 before 30 thing, but I know how that would work out - I'd fill the list with goals that would be challenge (although not impossible) to achieve...and then forget about it until I turn 29. I wanted to take the intention of the exercise - coming up with some goals that will require some work to achieve - and shrink it into a tighter timeline.

So this is...24 while 24. Hopefully this approach will mean some of these items end up crossed off before I reach a quarter century.

Travel somewhere new
and by new, I mean outside New Brunswick. Preferably outside Canada, although there are still some areas I have not been too that I wouldn't mind visiting.

Pay back debt
I took out some money to buy my car. I'd like to have a chunk of that paid back by Sept. 2, 2014.

Adopt another cat

Find a local church
This might be difficult, since I'm going back to working weekends as of this weekend...

Find a ministry to be involved in.
I have some ideas...

Rebuild my emergency fund
I don't care all that much about money. I really don't (otherwise I would have been losing my mind over the last few months as I watched my savings dwindle). But I would like to have a little money in case of an emergency.

Try a new physical activity.
I do a lot of different things - dance, cycling, yoga, etc. - but I've been in a pattern of doing the same things over and over again. Time to vary it up.

Do some serious decorating/design work at the apartment.

Buy a new camera
LONG overdue and one of the few material goals on this list.  I've had my current camera for almost four years and it's in pretty rough shape. We're at the point where the batteries won't stay in and the flash has a piece of tape over it...

Sponsor another child
Likely through Compassion and likely from Burkina Faso, like Ivette. But who knows, really?

Get another tattoo
I know what I want and where. Just need to find the money/time to do it.

Become a better blogger

Give really great gifts to people I love

Read one book every month

Develop a recipe binder
I've seen some really cool ideas for how to do this and I think it might encourage me to start meal planning again instead of just making it up all the time.

Volunteer.

Paint the desk in the living room.
Like the camera thing, this is LONG overdue. I've had that desk since...um, Grade 10? It's in pretty bad shape.

Give smart
This means doing research about causes I give my money to and making sure my "helping" isn't making things worse somewhere.

Have another photoshoot with Jeff
The first one was super fun! I generally HATE being in front of a camera but I like having some photos of the two of us.

Visit home at least once, at a time that isn't Christmas.

Build more core/upper body strength through yoga
I've started focusing on this in my practice lately, finally letting my ego go and admitting there are postures I have been doing wrong for years. I've been taking steps to correct this under the instruction of some really lovely teachers and I hope that with consistent practice, I'll build enough strength to take my practice even farther.

Become a morning person
Other than finding a way to actually go to a church when I work every Sunday, this might be the most challenging thing on this list. I LOVE sleep and I never get enough of it.

Be more intentional
Vague, but sometimes I feel like I'm just...going through the motions, you know? Doing things for the sake of doing things. I want to spend more time thinking about why and doing things that get me where I want to be. Wherever that is...

Which leads me to....

Seek guidance from God re: the future and what I'm going to do with my life. 

It's going to be a busy year, but I have high hopes it'll be a good one.

burn out/strong tower

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6 

If I could only use one word to describe the last couple weeks, it would be draining - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I was stressed out, trying to cope with living among boxes while Jeff moved in, fighting with the landlord for a storage space and trying to get a huge amount of writing done for a work project. These things threw my routines into total chaos. Add the fact that no matter how much sleep I got, it never felt like enough, and it's safe to say I wasn't exactly "my best self."

I can't pinpoint when things went off the rails, but I'm not sure it matters anyway. What does matter is how I was feeling: unhinged, unglued and unstable.

Or, more simply, burnt out. Entirely. 

It all came to a head Friday. I was sitting at my desk, about an hour and a half after my shift "ended" struggling to finish what should have been a really easy assignment. But I couldn't focus - all I could think about were the things that have been stressing me out. My head was pounding and I tried hard to ignore it, to push through and produceproduceproduce, but I couldn't do it. Creatively, I was zapped.

So I emailed the files I needed to my home address, packed my bag and left. Went home, took some multi-vitamins and a B12 supplement and made supper. Then I grabbed my purse and went shopping.

Four hours later, I had a new dress and jacket, a fridge full of groceries and much clearer head. I sat down with my computer and finished the story I'd been struggling with earlier in the evening and completed a draft of the series I've been stressing about all week.  I went to bed late - probably around 2 a.m. - but woke up early to go to the gym. Jeff made me an awesome breakfast and on the way to my yoga class, we checked the laundry room and found out the storage unit we'd been waiting on for the last week and a half had finally been emptied.

The vacuum cleaner still isn't fixed (which means there is cat hair EVERYWHERE. Sorry, anyone who visits) but within hours, most of the things that had turned me into a total basket case over the last couple weeks had been resolved. To say I am feeling better would be a massive understatement.

But while I'm happy to be feeling calmer, I'm a little disappointed in the way I let all those stupid, small things take over my life.  Spending all my time stressing about those things meant taking away time from other, more important thing - Jeff, my friends, my mental and physical health and, tragically, God and his word.

Foolish, especially since spending time with Jesus, my bible and a cup of tea never fails to make me feel better.

the wind is strong and the water's deep, but I'm not alone here in these open seas

'cause your love never fails.

and he said My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest. Exodus 33:14

Hindsight is always 20/20, of course. Now that  I'm thinking a little clearer, I can look at everything that's been weighing down on me for the last couple weeks and see how crazy it was to lose my head over it all.

I can also see how important it is to not become so focused on the task of the day that I neglect the following things that are, in fact, essential to my sanity:

Exercise. Whether it's in the form of a cardio class like RPM or BodyJam or a yoga class, I always feel better after working out.

Writing. That means working on creative projects, blog posts or writing in my paper journal - things that aren't related to work. I was one of those people who went into journalism because I like to tell stories, because I like to write. There are some days when I come home from work and the last thing I want to think about is writing, but it's always been my release. It's my therapy.

Alone time. I love the people I have in my life - I couldn't ask for better - but it doesn't change the fact that I've become pretty introverted over the last couple years. I wasn't always like this - I think it's a response to the fact that I work in an industry where spending time with people (familiar and unfamiliar) is part of the job description - but I've really come to value my personal time. 

Starbucks. An extension to the last point - this is where I get most of my "alone time" in. It's probably telling that all the baristas at the Starbucks I frequent know my order...

Baths. With tea (hot or cold), a candle, a book and Star 99.1 on the radio app on my phone. 

Time with God. Real, quality time. Not just time spent so I can check another item off a checklist. 

With exception to the last item, it's not necessary to do all these things every day, but a combination of the above certainly makes a difference in terms of my emotional stability. Yet they're always the first things to be put aside when I'm stressed - including the last item. 

Today is Sept. 1. School will be starting over the next couple days and fall is on its way (which I couldn't be more excited about!). I'm feeling ready for a new season, too.

One of more love and less stress.

More prayer and less worry.

More trusting God and less trying to do it on my own. 

Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. Psalm 32:7