This week's challenges started at around 11 a.m. Monday morning, when one of the photographers at the paper came into the office to let me know something was wrong with my car.
Sure enough, crouched down on the ground, I could see his assessment was correct - a steady drip, one drop every two seconds or so, creating a puddle of gasoline underneath the car. A few frantic text messages and a phone call later, I was heading to the garage.
Before purchasing the car from my aunt, I'd never spent any significant time in a garage but over the last two weeks, I've become a familiar face to my mechanic. Between the inspection I needed to get the vehicle registered and plated (which resulted in a minor repair right off the bat) and the fact that I was in last week to have my winter tires removed and my all-seasons put on, I've been dropping some cash there. However, prior to Monday, every expense incurred had been due to regular vehicle maintenance - not fun, but a necessary part of being a vehicle owner that I'd come to peace with.
I knew this would be different, though and the mechanic was quick to tell me as much - best case scenario, the reason for my problem was a leaking fuel line, a problem that would cause about $150 to solve. Worst case scenario? The gas tank itself was problematic and that's where things would get interesting. And costly.
"I won't know until I can get it up in the air and look at it," the mechanic told me, taking my key and putting a tag on it to identify it as mine. "Park it here for the night and I'll have a look at it when I get a chance."
By the end of the day Monday, he still hadn't had the time. My gym bag was in the back so I had a friend take me over to retrieve it. Gas had continued to leak throughout the afternoon, creating a puddle that spilled out alongside the vehicle by the time I arrived.
"My first thought was a fuel line," the mechanic said, standing by the vehicle with me. "But looking at the spill now, I'm really not sure."
By Tuesday morning, he called me back and I had the diagnosis: it's the tank, it's leaking at the seal and it's a problem that can cost upwards of $1,000 to fix, depending on the part and the amount of labour required.
I didn't know what to say at first. "Thanks for letting me know," I said after a long pause. "I think I need to make some phone calls before I decide what to do."
"Take your time. Let me know."
I hung up, took a breath, then made my way to the break room to call my grandfather. I then promptly proceeded to become entirely unglued about the situation.
I was frustrated. I was upset. And I was more than a little worried about how on earth I was going to be able to make this work. Between paying to buy the car, paying to have it reinspected, paying to have the minor repair it needed done, paying for two new tires and paying to have them installed...it's been an expensive couple weeks. And while expenses are part of owning a car, I wasn't expecting to have such a major repair on my hands so soon. It didn't seem fair.
That reaction isn't something I'm proud of nor is the way I've let it consume me over the last two days, keeping me distracted and adding to the overwhelming sense of general burn out I've been feeling in almost all areas of my life these days (that's a story for another time, though).
I was ready to keep on stressing through the evening as I drove the car back to my apartment (with instructions to fill it to no more than half full and to make sure smokers stay away from my vehicle) when God intervened... through song.
but as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain:
"I'm with you."
and as Your mercy falls, I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives & takes away.
and I'll praise You in this storm; and I will lift my hands.
For You are who You are, no matter where I am.
It always amazes me how easy it is to forget these things when life throws a curveball - to let stress and worry and fear take over instead of turning focus to God - trusting in His wisdom to know what's best, listening for His voice when all I want to do is listen to my own voice to complain and praising Him, even when I don't understand what He's doing.
My job isn't to have the answers - my job is to know that He does. In contrast, my job is to listen, to practice patience and above all else, praise him...even if I'm feeling slighted and not sure I feel up to it.
My job is to know He's there and in control - even if it doesn't seem like it.
We cannot separate - You're part of me and though You're invisible, I'll trust the unseen.
But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
I don't know how long it's going to take to get my car fixed. For at least the next couple of weeks, I'll be driving cautiously, keeping the gas tank filled only to half to avoid more leaking. The seam of the tank is rusting out so it's not a long term solution, but it works in the interim while my grandfather does his thing and looks for a new part. I'll likely still end up paying about $500 between the cost of the part and the labour to install it but Grampy's goal is to find the cheapest, high quality solution and I'm grateful for that.
That has been the silver lining in the whole situation - through this difficult time, I've been privileged to have some really incredible people come alongside me to diagnose the problem (my mechanic), to drive me to and from the garage (Davith), to search out the best solution (Grampy) and to listen to me vent (anyone within an earshot). There aren't words to express how much I appreciated it - I feel very blessed to have all of you in my life.
So for now, the plan is to relax - to fret less and above all that, to practice patience and praise.
And to keep any smokers away from my car because yeah, that could create a bit of a problem.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
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