Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
If I could only use one word to describe the last couple weeks, it would be draining - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I was stressed out, trying to cope with living among boxes while Jeff moved in, fighting with the landlord for a storage space and trying to get a huge amount of writing done for a work project. These things threw my routines into total chaos. Add the fact that no matter how much sleep I got, it never felt like enough, and it's safe to say I wasn't exactly "my best self."
I can't pinpoint when things went off the rails, but I'm not sure it matters anyway. What does matter is how I was feeling: unhinged, unglued and unstable.
Or, more simply, burnt out. Entirely.
It all came to a head Friday. I was sitting at my desk, about an hour and a half after my shift "ended" struggling to finish what should have been a really easy assignment. But I couldn't focus - all I could think about were the things that have been stressing me out. My head was pounding and I tried hard to ignore it, to push through and produceproduceproduce, but I couldn't do it. Creatively, I was zapped.
So I emailed the files I needed to my home address, packed my bag and left. Went home, took some multi-vitamins and a B12 supplement and made supper. Then I grabbed my purse and went shopping.
Four hours later, I had a new dress and jacket, a fridge full of groceries and much clearer head. I sat down with my computer and finished the story I'd been struggling with earlier in the evening and completed a draft of the series I've been stressing about all week. I went to bed late - probably around 2 a.m. - but woke up early to go to the gym. Jeff made me an awesome breakfast and on the way to my yoga class, we checked the laundry room and found out the storage unit we'd been waiting on for the last week and a half had finally been emptied.
The vacuum cleaner still isn't fixed (which means there is cat hair EVERYWHERE. Sorry, anyone who visits) but within hours, most of the things that had turned me into a total basket case over the last couple weeks had been resolved. To say I am feeling better would be a massive understatement.
But while I'm happy to be feeling calmer, I'm a little disappointed in the way I let all those stupid, small things take over my life. Spending all my time stressing about those things meant taking away time from other, more important thing - Jeff, my friends, my mental and physical health and, tragically, God and his word.
Foolish, especially since spending time with Jesus, my bible and a cup of tea never fails to make me feel better.
the wind is strong and the water's deep, but I'm not alone here in these open seas
'cause your love never fails.
and he said My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest. Exodus 33:14
Hindsight is always 20/20, of course. Now that I'm thinking a little clearer, I can look at everything that's been weighing down on me for the last couple weeks and see how crazy it was to lose my head over it all.
I can also see how important it is to not become so focused on the task of the day that I neglect the following things that are, in fact, essential to my sanity:
Exercise. Whether it's in the form of a cardio class like RPM or BodyJam or a yoga class, I always feel better after working out.
Writing. That means working on creative projects, blog posts or writing in my paper journal - things that aren't related to work. I was one of those people who went into journalism because I like to tell stories, because I like to write. There are some days when I come home from work and the last thing I want to think about is writing, but it's always been my release. It's my therapy.
Alone time. I love the people I have in my life - I couldn't ask for better - but it doesn't change the fact that I've become pretty introverted over the last couple years. I wasn't always like this - I think it's a response to the fact that I work in an industry where spending time with people (familiar and unfamiliar) is part of the job description - but I've really come to value my personal time.
Starbucks. An extension to the last point - this is where I get most of my "alone time" in. It's probably telling that all the baristas at the Starbucks I frequent know my order...
Baths. With tea (hot or cold), a candle, a book and Star 99.1 on the radio app on my phone.
Time with God. Real, quality time. Not just time spent so I can check another item off a checklist.
With exception to the last item, it's not necessary to do all these things every day, but a combination of the above certainly makes a difference in terms of my emotional stability. Yet they're always the first things to be put aside when I'm stressed - including the last item.
Today is Sept. 1. School will be starting over the next couple days and fall is on its way (which I couldn't be more excited about!). I'm feeling ready for a new season, too.
One of more love and less stress.
More prayer and less worry.
More trusting God and less trying to do it on my own.
Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. Psalm 32:7
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