making time

but hey, I'm always thinking of you+I can see your influence in the things that I do.

thick+thin, forever my friends- cause there's a vine that was put down deep in our hearts.

Sitting at my desk at 9:47 p.m., Sunday night a couple weeks ago, one frustrating final edit away from the end of a shift that had gone on too long, I thought to myself 'You know, you should be probably be hungry.'

Although I had eaten at around 7:30 p.m., it wasn't really much of a meal. Jeff's parents were visiting, something I missed because I was at work, and they went out to dinner at a restaurant across the street from my office. If it had been earlier in the day, I would have taken a break and went over to join them but as it stood, I was knee-deep in one story with another waiting in the wings. Jeff, being the awesome boyfriend he is, brought me over some of the leftover pizza and although it left me feeling satisfied in terms of hunger, I didn't really feel full. Something was missing.

I realized what it was not long after that first thought crossed my mind, as I was talking to my best friend who lives two provinces away. We've been making some plans for the summer - I'm going to visit her twice, once for about a week, the second time for a weekend to go to a concert - so we've been slowly working out the details.

 I can't remember exactly what we were talking about that night - probably working on figuring out the cheapest way to get from the airport in Toronto to her place in Burlington - but I found myself typing out the words 'I'll look into it when I have more time.' After sending the text, I turned off the volume on my phone, went back to the print-out in front of me, pen poised...then stopped as I realized how often I use a variation of those words in my daily life.

I'll do it when I have time.

I've been meaning to do it, I just haven't had time.

I'm not sure how I'm going to fit that in.

Why don't I have time for this? 

I just don't have time.

Boy, do I wish I had another hour or two in this day! 

Time has always been something of a funny concept to me because it seems like it gets you on both ends. While I might find myself wanting more of it most times, there are certainly instances where the opposite is true. Vacation comes to mind as an example  - I'd love for my trip to see Keri to be closer but in between now and then, I know I'll have many days where it'll feel like I just don't have enough time in the day.

I know why, too - I haven't found a way to fit everything I want/need to do into a 24-hour period in a way that feels balanced yet. I'm very much a Type A personality - I like structure and I like having a plan. But sometimes having a jam packed schedule and a to do list that never seems to make it to done leads to making the worst kind of sacrifices to avoid total burnout.

For me, some typical sacrifices look like this:

- pop (right now, Mountain Dew) over water.
- extra sleep over early morning yoga
- snacking out of the vending machine at work over taking some time in the evening to plan for the next day.
- lazing on the couch instead of working on creative projects.
- making excuses instead of spending time with people I care about.
- staying up too late being unproductive and crashing hard a little after midnight instead of spending some quality time with God.

Not surprising, the things I love most are the things that get pushed aside when I get busy. Eliminating these things from my daily routine? No bueno for my physical, mental OR emotional health. But what's a girl to do?

I've been taking a look at the way I spend my time - figuring out what brings me stress, what makes me excited and what gets cast aside when I have too much on the go. It hasn't a pretty process - usually the things I love most are the first to be put aside when I get busy, but acknowledging that is the first step to making a change, right? That's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

Tomorrow is the first day of May. My intention for the month is simple: to use my time wisely and pursue things that matter instead of losing my mind over the things that don't.

Easier said than done? Likely. But necessary and possible with much grace.