even though few may stand and proclaim your great name
it's the life I want to live. I'm convinced there is none like you.
O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
Psalm 25:20
Standing in the mall parking lot after spending a few hours in a coffee shop working out the logistics of starting a bible study group, Liz, a friend and colleague, told me about a conversation she had with a mutual friend after reading my blog for the first time.
Liz: "I messaged her and said 'You know Tara? Well, guess what? She's one of us!"
'One of us' could have meant a lot of things in this particular instance. The three of us have some big things in common.
We're all St. Thomas University graduates and we're all journalists working in the field. I own less than five pairs of pants, which is relevant to this because I'm fairly certain I've only seen either of them wear something other than a dress or a skirt a handful of times. We know a lot of the same people and for the time being, we're all living on the East Coast.
But none of those things were what Liz was talking about. One of us, in this case, meant a Christian.
And in this case, initially, finding out I was 'one of them' came as a surprise.
Growing up, being a Christian wasn't some secret part of my identity. I went to church - I taught Sunday school to young children and worked in the nursery, went to morning and evening services, went to prayer meeting on Wednesday night and youth group/teen group on Friday nights. I taught children's church and when I was too old for vacation bible school, I volunteered. I sang in the choir and frequently performed solos or duets. If I wasn't at school or work, there was a good chance I was at church.
But, as I shared previously, I gave up a lot of those things when I left for university. I wandered. Like the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32, I lived on the wild side for a season. I partied and drank. I went to places I shouldn't have been, hung around with people who influenced me in the worst ways and did some things I'm not particularly proud of.
And like the prodigal son, it was famine that brought me back - not the literal kind, but a spiritual/emotional starving that had left me feeling depleted and worn, empty and broken.
That was a couple years ago. When I started making my way back to faith, it was a deeply personal thing for me and something I did, to a degree, in private. I needed to be alone with God and spend time by myself studying his Word in a meaningful way instead of the superficial or dutiful way I had done in the past. I knew God calls us to be in community with one another, to encourage and build each other up, but after spending so long wandering, I felt like I needed some one-on-one time with God if I wanted to take our relationship from pre-teen crush to a more passionate love.
I started this blog in March 2013 because I wanted a place to share my thoughts, to express myself and reflect. By March 2013, I had been working on my faith for several months and I felt much more confident and certain in my identity as a daughter of the King. I still had a lot to learn (which continues to be the case) but that was OK because I was eager and keen to dive deeper.
But I still hesitated when it came to posting a link to that first blog post on Facebook. I still felt nervous, writing and rewriting the preamble over and over again as I wrestled with the big question:
What will my Facebook friends think when they read this?
what will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak?
what will people do when they find that it's true?
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, the just shall live by faith.
Romans 1:16-17
The first conversations I had with Laura, a dear friend and colleague in Moncton, happened through Facebook. I had posted about going to the East 2 West Christian music festival in Shediac and after commenting about how she wished she was going to see the newsboys, we started talking in chat.
"It's so nice to see another Christian journalist not afraid to state themselves as such!"
The first time I hit publish here, the first time I shared a post through social media, I was nervous but I'm not anymore.
A lot has changed in the last couple years and so much of it is a byproduct of a really important realization: I love and cherish my friends, regardless of where they've been or what they believe, but seeking God's voice and heart is always more important and worthwhile than seeking favour among men. I will never be the kind of person who is pushy - I believe it's more important for a person to come to faith because they truly believe, not because it's been forced on them - and I will always, always look for ways to love on those around me beyond everything else, but in the same breath, I'm not going to be quiet or ashamed of the gospel or Jesus.
It might be more comfortable in the short term to sit down and shut up, but the long term consequences just aren't worth it. As Christians, we can't afford to be silent. And no man is an island.
we've been to the mountaintop; we've seen the glory of our God
He is here in the valley low. He's here, I feel it in my bones.
A final note: after our first "official" bible study, I posted a photo online. There were five of us at the table that night and I put the term official in quotes for a reason - although we did have an assigned reading to complete (Ruth and part of John), the structure was pretty informal in that we basically just...sat around the table and talked about faith and God and Jesus, drawing from the scripture but also our own personal experiences. It was really lovely and I can't speak for the other girls, but I left feeling really refreshed.
Even more refreshing? Since I posted that photo, I've had at least three people mention they'd like to join our group.
If that's not God using the thing that once made me nervous to do something glorious, I don't know what is.
Good friends, coffee (or coffee beverages) and the Word-
Is there anything better?
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